Do You Yell To Be Heard?
I grew up with a dad who was a rager. He never hit me when he was mad, but he screamed in my face more times than I can remember. I hated that he did that.
Guess what? I learned how to respond by yelling to be heard as well.
I think I am much better at getting my point across without yelling now than I was in my twenties. Yet, I can still find myself raising my voice when I am angry about something or angry at someone.
And you know what? It doesn’t help me prove my point, win an argument, or think clearly. Screaming, yelling, and raging is a lower level energy. It comes from a place of diminished consciousness and awarness about oneself and the world.
What do you think about that?
When I can choose to respond, and not react to situations where I feel angry, I can communicate more clearly, be more intentional. This is the man I want to show up as.
I’ve learned this in my journey: when I am angry about something, it usually is triggered by a belief I have about myself that is being challenged or threatened, or a story I am believing to be true about myself that isn’t.
The emotional reaction is most always about me. The data or facts…what was said or done, may be entirely about the other person. I may not agree or like what was said or done, and that is completely ok.
I get to choose to stay, change, or walk away from the situation. I get to choose my next decision.
When I remember my own boundaries and choose to respect them, I don’t have to yell to get my point across. It may take me walking away to “clear my head” for a short while.
When I feel confident I can state what I am thinking and feeling in a normal voice, then I can return. It is then I can choose to communicate in a normal tone to understand the situation in more detail. It is from this place I can choose my course of action.
No yelling required.