I was speaking with a client who told me an interesting behavior he has had throughout his life. When faced with advocating to do what he wants, or to do what another wants, he yields.
His reasoning for doing so was a fear that if others, for example, went to the bar he wanted to go to or watched the movie he wanted to watch, they may not enjoy it as much as he would. If they didn’t enjoy the experience, then ultimately he would feel guilty or responsible.
He admittedly stated that in yielding, he goes to bars or watches movies that he doesn’t enjoy as much…and, interestingly enough, he doesn’t hold others responsible for his experience.
Do you have situations in your life where you hold yourself to one standard or belief in dealing with others, yet you don’t hold them to the same with you?
The area of yielding is ripe for this to occur.
Yielding, going along with someone else’s wants over your own, is not a bad thing. I think that is part of creating and maintaining healthy relationships.
Where yielding becomes problematic is when it is always happening, or happening to a far greater degree, by you than with others whom you are in relationship with.
Why does it even matter if you are a man who usually yields?
For me, it becomes an issue of how much I value myself. To always yield says the other person’s wants are always more important than my own. I can’t think of any example where this would be true 24/7.
If I walk through life always putting the wants of others ahead of my own, what am I communicating to them about my value?
What kind of respect am I showing of myself? How much am I able to accomplish or experience by doing this?
Yielding is about balance, a balance of respect for yourself and for others. It is a two lane highway, not a one way street.
What is the level of respect you show for yourself at home, at work, and with your friends by the amount of yielding you are doing?
What is it costing you to yield in these situations?
Author: Todd Gorishek
Todd is a certified Men’s Life Coach, an entrepreneur, a licensed healthcare professional, a husband, a father, and a world traveler. His mission is to co-create a strong and compassionate world by facilitating transformation through understanding, trust, and empowerment.
He received his professional Life Coaching education from Newfield Network, a certified Life Coach training school, and is a member of the International Coach Federation.