Have you noticed how what you thought would make you happy at 20 is different at 30. What about at 40 or 50? Do you have a sense that sustained happiness is something other than the shiny car, the perfect relationship, having the kids in sports, the steller career, the mega-mansion, or the huge bank account?
Have you ever talked with a millionaire who is miserable? I have. Money didn’t make him happy. What about the neighbor who brags about that brand new car with all the bells and whistles he just bought? Do you hear him arguing with his wife or partner, or complaining to you about his relationship? Where is his happiness?
Seriously, shiny things are fun. Money provides a certain sense of security, albeit real or not. Good relationships in many forms are important for continued well-being. Yet, at the end of the day whether I am happy or not, whether you are happy or not, is a decision, a choice we each must make.
So here is something to consider about happiness: we think our happiness comes from the HAVE-DO- BE model, and it is bullshit.
The thinking goes, when I HAVE the new car, I will be able to DO more with the ladies, and I will BE sexy and cool. Or another one: when I HAVE the perfect relationship, I will DO better in the relationship, and I will BE the man I want to be. And this one: When I HAVE the career or job I want, then I will DO more with the kids, and I will BE the father I want to be.
This thinking is backwards. It is not HAVE-DO-BE where happiness is found.
It is the opposite. Choosing the BE-DO-HAVE model for my life allows me to BE happy now, not later.
If you want more money, BE the man who DOES get out there and finds the best earning method to HAVE more money for himself. This applies to careers and relationships too.
You and I are the authors and creators of our life now, in the present. I can choose to BE the man I want by doing the things that man would DO, and I if I keep doing them, I will HAVE what I am after.
So, what are the characteristics and qualities of the man you want to BE?
What does he say? How does he act? What is this man’s boundaries; what does he say yes to and no to? What commitments does he make; how does he follow-up?
When you and I put the BE first, followed by the DO, the HAVE will come.
What language do you use to describe your BE-ing men…are the words supportive or filled with sabotage?
What declarations (statements of intention and assertion) are you making about your behaviors and actions from today forward? Do they support your BE-ing?
How do you invite others to participate in your BE-ing; do you make requests or demands of them?
The BE-DO-HAVE man lives in the present and finds things to be grateful for in his BE-ing in this moment. When I envelop my BE-DO-HAVE self with gratitude, joy emerges. Happiness is the fruit joy bears.
So what do you think men? HAVE first before you can BE, or choose to BE now and allow the HAVE to manifest? What model will you choose to find happiness?
You may also like to read the first part – “Quarantine with a Stranger”.