Can you sit in silence, alone with your thoughts, your emotional being, and your physical presence?
There was a time in my life when being alone was very difficult for me. For me, to be alone felt disconnected, isolated, and lonely. I realize now there were two things at play:
1. I did not like to be alone with my own thoughts and feelings,
2. Because of #1, I was unable to discover the difference between “alone” and “lonely” .
Do you like, love, and value who you are at your core? This is an important question to ask, and an even more important process to go through, so you can definitely answer “Yes!”
For so many years of my life I did not feel comfortable being alone. I wanted people around. I needed activity to hold my attention.
What I was doing was filling my life with props so I didn’t have to sit with myself, alone, and listen to the internal negative chatter about who I was as a man and feel the pain of believing I fell short.
With other people providing distraction I could drown out the voice of self-condemnation and numb the feelings of not measuring up.
Living like this is exhausting. Wouldn’t you agree? It doesn’t allow for periods of stillness and rejuvenation. It also places an unfair burden on those people around you to serve as your distraction.
When I really came to love the man I am, as both brilliant and flawed, everything changed for me. It was then I learned the difference and value of being alone.
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Alone With Self.
Being alone allows time for rejuvenation, creativity, self love and appreciation. This is in stark contrast to being lonely, which suggests a lack of connection with others. I now experience both in a healthy way.
When I am alone, I can embrace my being in the time and space I find myself in. It is a time I can use for reflection, creation, and appreciation. It is a powerful space for me to understand myself better, make myself a better man, and bring that guy and his energy into the world more fully.
Today, I need alone time. I often crave it. Instead of viewing it like an exile into a cold and barren place, I embrace it as a journey into something very much alive and vibrant.
There are still times I experience loneliness. I believe we were created to interact and connect with each other, and if that isn’t happening to a degree and in a substantive form, I can get lonely. Do you?
What is different today is that I reach out to engage with others not from a place of lack, but from a place of enrichment. I enjoy the laughter and warmth of people in my life. I embrace the pain and suffering that others are experiencing too. It is a connection with humanity in all it’s fantastic and flawed forms.
Today, because I am able to be alone with myself, I am better at being present with others.
What have you learned about being alone vs being lonely?
